Occasionally, I read the WordPress Daily Prompt and hum and hrrr about the possibility of writing something – but my lack of motivation, or Judge Judy re-runs on the TV often dissuades me right back. Today’s prompt, however - well – prompted me to write something.
The prompt itself asks the questions: “Do you find it easy to make new friends? Tell us how you’ve mastered the art of befriending a new person. “
The two sentences don’t necessarily connect. I mean, if, like me, your answer to the first question is NO, the the ensuing statement is a moot point … isn’t it?
Perhaps WordPress didn’t anticipate that anyone might answer the opening question with a negative – but surely … really? Tell me I’m not the only one … am I?
Well anyway, here I am – Nelly No-mates in all her glory.
Frankly, I’m just crap at making and/or keeping friends. I don’t really get the whole need to be friend-full thing. Facebook hasn’t helped. there are people out there who claim 5,000 “friends” and another 1,000+ “followers” who are apparently on some kind of waiting list to be a “friend” as soon as a space opens up through death, blocking, or un-friending.
So I’ve heard, anyway.
Admittedly, I do have a Facebook page. I have a grand total of 45 “friends,” all of whom I know personally, and 27 of which are schoolbuddies of my son, who had to use my Facebook page because he wasn’t allowed to have one of his own. I suppose I should un-friend them now that he is no longer with me – if I only had a clue where to find the un-friend button.
Of the other 18 friends I have on Facebook, four are ex-professors of mine from university days of yore who I had to befriend to keep up with assignments, three are girls (well, women now, obviously) with whom I went to grammar school, one girl/woman from college, one from primary school, one person from the States when I lived there 15 years ago, and one – you’ll like this – is an ex-NFL player from a previous life as a sports videographer/back-door groupie (me, not him). Three are vendors on local recycling sites, one was my Weightwatchers leader and two are family.
I’d like to say that I’ve been a worthy Facebook friend at least to the old school friends, but I can’t. No matter that at least two of them were people I longed to reunite with over the years; I have been incapable of maintaining any level of communication beyond sending them extra lives on Candy Crush.
And lord help me in the real world!
I don’t know what it is exactly … it’s hard to describe, but apparently my inability to form and maintain consistent relationships is one of the reasons I’ve been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I wish I did have the ability to claim a friend. Instead I find that I go one of two ways: either I seek out a person who is unavailable to or disinterested in me; or I become uncomfortable and anxious when someone expresses interest in becoming friends with me, leading to a hasty retreat.
For the last thirteen years I have been able to conceal this “deficit” in my social vocabulary by devoting my time to other, more pressing matters. I mean, who needs friends when you have a full-time job and a full-time child?
But now, jobless and childless, the friendless part is glaring and harsh.
It’s an empty house here now. Too much space and time to think.
Makes me want to post my status on Facebook … almost.
© Alice through the Macro Lens