What do you do … ?

What do you do when the person you love tells you they can’t stand the sight of you anymore?

What do you do when they respond to you with screaming rage and foul language? When they order you to make their dinner, to wash their clothes, and to cater to their every need?

What do you do when they tell you you’re useless, you’re fat, and you’re ugly?

What do you do when they engage in risky behaviour, prefer their friends’ company, and tell you to mind your own business when you ask where they are going?

What do you do when they tell you they’re sick of you, that they don’t want to live in the same house as you anymore, and they want to move out?

What do you do when they prevent you from sleeping, demand that you get out of bed, and order you to go sleep in the living room because they own the beds and the house?

What do you do when they physically prevent you from leaving, dare you to put your hands on them, and mock you when you break down into tears?

What do you do when this continues day after day after day, until the very thought of going home and being in their company fills you with dread and sadness?


What do you do when the person you love is your twelve-year-old son?

© Alice through the Macro Lens [2012]

Categories: Alice's world | Tags: , , , , , , | 9 Comments

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9 thoughts on “What do you do … ?

  1. You are not alone! Seriously, you are not. As I was reading this, I was thinking – this sounds like my sister’s 13 year old.

    Please email ,me

  2. Carl

    You choose a beautiful man who will do the opposite!

  3. What’s going on in the rest of his life – at school and with friends? Seems like some kind of family counseling is needed to moderate… My heart breaks for you, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. Alice, I’m so very sorry. Is there anyone among your friends or family who will help deal with the situation? Teenage boys – and he’s almost a teenager – are always a challenge, but this is beyond what one adult should have to cope with. “The Retiring Sort” seems to me to have good advice – try to get some family counseling. Basically, do whatever you can to recruit more people to support you and help get things back on track.

    Thinking about you, and praying for you (and your son).

  5. Sounds like he has got into some bad company. The next time he states that he owns the bed and the house, ask for his contribution to the mortgage/rent. It is typical unruly teenage behavior, I had a friend exactly the same, she came good in the end, but that’s not going to help you in the short-term. You need to get help and fast or it could get beyond repair. Big hugs and my thoughts are with you.

  6. Things have been so difficult for you and of course this was bound to have an affect on your son Alice as you know only too well. You have been predicting it on this very blog for some time.
    I think the family therapy is a very good idea.
    I would tell your son often that you love him very much but you don’t like the way he is behaving and keep telling him that even when you don’t feel it. Like a broken record.
    Remind him kindly but firmly that you are the parent and he is the child.
    Do not give in to him when he orders you to do things and do not engage in arguments. he has been afraid and he now testing the boundaries and pushing them just as hard as he can. All children (and he is still a child) must have boundaries and consistent ones.
    I would say all these things under normal circumstances but you have been very ill ( and still maybe, I am out of the loop with many blogs right now) and may not feel up to any of this.. family therapy would be very good right now..

  7. Jane

    Life is always magnified when they’re only two of you in a single parent family. As others have suggested therapy may help – that third and impartial person to let you both have the space to be heard.

  8. DeeDee

    Hey Alice – it’s been awhile and I’ve been thinking of you. I miss your photos! I hope you’re doing OK and things are improving for you – just worrying due to radio silence. No pressure, of course, just want to check that you’re hanging in.

  9. Carl

    Hello. How are you? I’ve been reading again and again this text and had few thoughts about it?
    1/ What allows him to treat you like that?
    2/ He looks in anger. What is this anger about? You might not be the cause of this anger. But discover the cause could help you to find solutions.
    3/ Have you got any strategy to confront him?
    4/ Have you ever thought about a boarding school?
    5/ Have you ever thought of coming to London to see me?

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